Well the Yeehaw lady hat is finished. I hate it. Abso-frikin-lutly LOATH IT! It looks like a comedy hat. It so does not look anything like the picture in the book does. After the hell I had starting this and now it turning out this way I am so done. I MEAN DONE with trying anything. Nothing I have done lately has worked for me. I followed this pattern line by painstaking line. Counting measuring and everything else to make sure it was working and now look at it. It is huge and it looks like a comedy skit hat. Ugh!!!!!! Any suggestions now? The lovely preppie stripe I got from http://knitmamaknit.blogspot.com. I love this yarn. I love the colors of it totally and it felts great. Well stupid me wanted to make a sleeve for my Palm but could not find a pattern. So I measured the palm. Added 10% and knit it up. Then I felted it. Let me tell you this looks great with these colors and stripes felted. That is where the loveliness ends tho.
Tada!! It is too big. Way too big the idea was for my palm to slide in and rest in the bottom pouch then have the sides hug it and the top cover just the top of my palm so that I could use it with out having to keep taking it in and out. But of course this did not work. It is too long. I know I know before you say it. I should have swatched and felted first but, Really for something this small it was like a test swatch, right? Ok lets go from there. Now as I was doing this I did not bother to write down what I was doing or numbers so I don't really remember enough to try to correct this a second time and I am afraid that it won't work a second time. And I love this yarn way too much to keep wasting it. So what is a girl to do....
1. Should I try to remeasure and recount the numbers and do it again?
Cut the bottom off of this one and sew up the sides to make a cute little change-like purse thingy?
OR
2. Should I weave a ribbon thru holes all around it on the edges and the pull it snug enough to fit and hold it in?
OR
3. Take this and the failed Yeehaw lady comedy hat that I do not know what to do with at this point and burn both of them under the full moon. Maybe this will help get rid of my inability as of late.
This you might say is not a failure. Technically it is but isn't. I do like this turquoisey stripy yarn that I dyed. BUT the colors were supposed to be blue for the month of June. As it turned out there was one blue and then a dark teal and like a seafoam color. All in all it is pretty but not what I was aiming for. I think I need a nap. I have been so down and cranky lately. I am normally a make lemonade kinda gal. I don't let things bother me. If something doesn't work out oh well. Lets do what we can and fix it or redo it, or make something fun out of it. Not lately and I don't know why. Also since I have been so shitty and I am not used to being that way, It just makes me mad at myself and that doesn't help either. I think I need to go back to work. I am not used to being home this much and while I do enjoy being able to spend all with the girls. I also crave other adult contact. I will beg and plead my mom and SIL to come spend some time with me to keep me sane. Neither one ever can they are too busy and I just think that maybe if a couple of days a week for a couple of hours if I just get away maybe I will feel better.

Saying that makes me feel like a horrible person. Am I awful to want to work again part-time? Am I a bad mother? I really am beginning to think so. Will my kids grow up and feel resentful toward me that I decided to go back to work? What should I do? Work, or stay home and tell myself it is for the benefit of the kids and get over it. Lots of moms work and still do a great job raising the kids and their kids are ok, probably better than most. My mom worked and yeah I didn't get to do a lot of afterschool activities because of it, but Im ok right? If I go back to work for me and not out of need is that selfish of me? I went back to work when Keats was 6 weeks old because I had no choice. I now have that choice but I feel bad now that Lana is almost 8 months old saying I need to go back to work. UGH now is not the time to contemplate this. Nap.