I'm sorry I don't have much knitting content today.
I have been working on my ToFutsies Jaywalkers but it is slow I have been so busy I haven't had much time to knit lately. I have turned the heel on sock 1 and I am working down the foot, no progress shot as I left my camera at work and didn't take any lately anyway.
I haven't started my 2nd Hogwarts Swap sock yet for my Ravenclaw partner as I ordered the yarn but still have not gotten it. She did promise me it would ship today so hopefully I will will have it this week and can get working on them still not sure what pattern I'm going to do but I'm wierd that way I have to physically see and touch the yarn first
. It has been way too hot to work on Lil' Red Ridding Hoodie. I know I have to work on it now or I won't have it when it is colder but I'm kinda burned out and tired. Does anyone else get that way? I'm not burned out knit wise per say just in general. At night during my free time I just sit, and stare and don't have the energy to pick up the needles. Mostly because I set such odd standards for myself. Like If I start I have to do 6 pattern repeats and I can only end at certain points in the pattern (mostly so I keep it consistant and when I do pick it back up it is always in the same place pattern repeat wise and I know where I am immediately), but I have been so tired all I want to do is sleep. I sit on the couch at night and watch TV or a movie and I fall asleep, I go to my room and watch TV and I fall asleep, I read a book and I fall asleep. This is not me. I have run for the last 10 plus years on 4 hours a night. I have always done this and they do say that everyone requires different amounts of sleep and some can do it on a lot less. That's me after 4 hours I never felt sleep deprived, It felt like pleanty. But the odd thing is I get about 6-8 hours a night consistantly lately and I am still exhausted. Like I said this is so not me I am always moving, doing something, can't waste time eating and sleeping, there's so much else I can do. So what's wrong with me? Is it just catching up to me? Am I just *gasp* getting old? Should I be worried there is a medical issue? Or is just that hubby is so lifeless and I'm tired of fighting with him to just move let alone anything else that it is wearing on me?
I'm having serious issues and no one to talk to so anyone who happens to come across this blog gets the brunt of it. I'm sorry. It's just that yesterday I was so close to actually commiting murder. REally I am not joking if I had had a weapon I think I could've killed him. I'm tired of doing it all mysel and if I am going to do it all myself, then damnit I will but I will have one less person to worry about. It's not like he's a mean, jerk (ok sometimes he is) but I'm not saying I'm ready to kick him out. I'm just tired. I've tried everything I can think of to get thru to him that I need help, and if he's not willing to help, at least don't leave another mess that he made for me to clean up as well. I don't mind taking care of the kids, and meals, and the house, but when I do that and then come into the living room and he and the kids have trashed it I want to scream. Then when I ask for help I get Yup and he sits there, and sits there, after I've had enough, and I start to just do it myself he starts yelling at me, I was going to do that you didnt' give me enough time, Your doing it wrong, Your wasting time, yadayadayada. Then he gets pissy with me. Granted I know I am bad. I know when I want something I want it now. I'm doing it now I asked for help now not 3 hours from now. But I do not want to nag I am not that way. I ask once. I give him as much time as I can stand and then I just do it. Then he gets mad at me and takes it out on me and makes me feel like shit. So now I just figure it's not worth the fight and I just do it all and let him sit on his ASS after all he works and deserves to enjoy his day off right? For the most part this does not bother me. I want it done and I want it done my way so I just do it. No big deal. But I work, I do have a job, yes it's not too bad of a job, but I take the kids to work with me, then I come home, I clean, I go to the next room and clean, then go back to the first room and clean again, then do dinner, clean dinner, clean first two rooms again, do bath, clean bathroom, clean first two rooms, again and put the kids to bed. So come the weekend when I don't have to "go" to my job I still clean and entertain all the neighborhood kids all weekend. So why does he get to go fishing (oh its too windy your not going fishing today) sleep til 1 o'clock in the afternoon and then sit in the recliner all day, and get mad if I ask for help.
Ok this is how my day went yesterday just to give you an example.
Got woken up at 8 am to phone to tell hubby fishing is off too windy
Baby hears talking wakes up
get up with baby
bake muffins
others kids get up (mine, his neice, and nephew spent the night too)
give breakfast,
clean living room where they all camped out
clean kitchen
do load of laundry
clean girls room and start rearranging the furniture
take out old dresser
bring in new dresser
try to run cable to new TV in their room
can't get it
11 am go to hubby in bed ask for help (Ok I'll get it be up in a min)
Go make lunch for kids
clean living room again
clean kitchen again
give up on cable, do more laundry
shampoo rug girls room
clean living room again
shampoo rug
mop kitchen
It's 1 pm are getting out of that f&*$king bed today?
Do more laundry
make kids beds
clean living room again, clean bunny cage
go out and clean up yard
give kids snack
clean kitchen
put together new bookcase for living room
clean living room, clean cat box
do more laundry
send neice and nephew home
"Can you help me with getting the cable to the girls room?" sure
he putters around outside for about 2 hours and then say's where are my tools. I have to go get them
comes back putters around for another 2 hours and says he can't find the cable, he can't do it.
All this time I'm rearranging my living room for the new bookcase.
Ok the hell with the cable just set up the TV and the PS2 and we're good for tonight.
7 pm him"what's for dinner"
Me "whatever you find figure it out"
him "what are you making the kids?"
me "I'm not you figure something out I'm taking a shower"
Shower, come back out and I could not see my living room floor I kid you not
There were toys everywhere, a whole bag of cheese curls and god only knows what else all over the floor.
So I just look at him
him "What?" nastily
me I just walk away, come on girls tubby time
him "what the f&%$kever"
Me "yup that's about it"
tubby girls
clean living room
10 pm sit down to watch Ice Road Truckers
finish ice road truckers, no knitting either I was exhausted
Tell him clean up the kitchen
Go to bed to read
fall asleep
him waking me up at 1 am "what are you doing dinner hasn't been put away yet"
me " and your hands aren't broken yet clean up and put it in containers"
him "what the f*&^k I have to do everything"
Me "yup you do it all and I've just sat on my ass all day could you please put dinner away for me?"
Roll over and go back to sleep, he came in around 3 am or so.
So I ask you how am I supposed to stay sane. Usually it doesn't bother me I have accepted this is the way life is but everyonce in a while I break and I can't take it anymore. I really have hit the end. I mean I would do it all anyway so what's the difference, right? But the attitude and the bullshit aren't worth it. I know when I hit the point that all I want to do is hole up in my bedroom alone, then there is a problem. But it must just be me. I don't know. I got up this morning went to work, came home, and instead of doing things I know I need to do I think I'm going to take a nap. Maybe later tonight I will feel like knitting.
Again I am sorry to anyone who reads this I know no one wants to read shit like this, but I had to let it out, it has been eating at me for sometime now. Thank You.
